This picture was taken a few months back when I was still breastfeeding. I’ve been getting a lot of questions about my experience and why I’m no longer breastfeeding, so I wanted to share.
Breastfeeding wasn’t easy for me. I didn’t think it would be seamless, but I honestly didn’t except it to be so hard. Luca didn’t have a great latch in the beginning, so not only was it painful but he also wasn’t gaining weight in the first few weeks. And when your main job is to make sure your baby grows and thrives, it’s —
Then I got mastitis two weeks after he was born (you feel like you have the flu- achy, fever, chills, etc.) and had to go on antibiotics. I was tired, emotional and didn’t understand why this “natural” thing wasn’t working the way it was supposed to. I was breastfeeding on my right side and pumping on the left side because of the pain. I finally called a lactation consultant to come to my apartment and I so regret not doing this sooner! She gave me some great techniques which helped so much (you really gotta shove it in there), and worked with me until I felt comfortable. I went through my insurance to find her.
Fast forward and I would say there was a solid two months of pretty seamless breastfeeding. I was no longer in pain, it got much easier for Luca and I was producing more than enough. Then 3 months hit and I went back to work part-time. I noticed when I was pumping for our nanny I was getting less and less of a supply, while Luca was quickly eating more and more. He also was sleeping longer throughout the night, so I wasn’t waking up as much to feed him. I should have probably set my alarm to get up and pump one to two extra times at night, but to be honest I was so tired that I welcomed the longer stretches of sleep with wide open arms.
Over the course of month 3 to month 4 I slowly decreased breastfeeding and increased formula. By 4 months I was completely done. Part of me feels bad, like I should have tried harder to be able to breastfeed longer. But to be honest, the other part of me feels so free.
At the end of the day there should be no judgment. Whether you do it for a month, a year or don’t try at all, you need to do what feels right for you. If you are struggling, know that you aren’t alone. It’s one of the most beautiful yet most difficult things I’ve done. Below are a few things that helped me along the way. And if you are having difficulty, know it does get easier. Your baby grows, gets bigger and gets the hang of it. Eventually you don’t have to put much thought into it, it just happens!